The Caring Corner®
The Caring Corner – Having that “Talk” with your Senior
Having that “talk” with elderly parents may be as disquieting as discussing the “birds and the bees.” Conversations involving health, finances, end of life and independence issues may be difficult, but need to happen sooner rather than later. Family conversations on such topics make all generations uncomfortable. According to experts, they need to occur and often the sooner they do the better. In fact, experts believe these talks need to take place when things are going well — before there is a crisis and decisions need to be made hastily.
For starters, it is important for children to know the location of such important documents as insurance policies, wills, health care proxies, living wills, trust documents, tax returns and investment and banking records. An AARP study found that most elderly parents actually feel better about having these kinds of discussions as part of their planning for the future. Such discussions, they say, help them live life they way they wish.
AARP and other experts offer the following suggestions on ways adult children can handle such conversations, depending on one’s style and comfort level:
- Approach the subject indirectly. For example, “I know you’re taking lots of pills. How do you keep track of them? Would a pill organizer from the drug store help?”
- Be direct, but non-confrontational. “Mom, I’m worried that you seem unsteady on your feet. I’m wondering what we can do to protect you from the possibility of falling.”
- Watch for openings. “Uncle Lou, you mentioned having problems with your eyesight. Does it seem to affect your driving? Have you seen the eye doctor lately?
- Share your feelings. “You’ve always been so independent, Dad. I know it must be hard to ask for help, but you know you can always move in with us, or we can find a good aide to bring in when the time is right.”
